Bless My Heart

the improvement of a southern girl


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Waiting

Waiting on a hurricane, waiting on tomorrow. The storm should be in town just about the time I go under the knife. Trying not to linger on that thought. This is my last day with my band. I’m going to try to not stress out all day long and just accept the situation I’ve been given. I don’t want my beginners scared off because I’m freaking out about the mess in the room 😉

On another subject… I continue to remain speechless over the reaction to my Why I’m The Band Director blogpost. I am touched that it has reached so many people (over 4k!), and honored that it continues to be shared. Thank you!


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An ultrasounding “Ugh”

I had my first checkup/yearly appointment last week with my OB/GYN since the surgery. I was a little disheartened when I had to remind him of what my story was, but I understand he has a ton of patients and can it can all get a little foggy.

After a talk and review we decided I ought to have an ultrasound to check things out and make sure nothing else was going on. If I got an all-clear, maybe we could do a dye test in a couple of months and see if all my parts were still open and ready for baby-making. I do love my little blonde babes…

Yesterday was my appointment, and not 1 minute into the procedure had passed before a nice big round blob appeared on the screen. I think I heard the technician sigh. She knew I was hoping for a nice happy uterus and ovary and to be sent off with happy baby-making wishes.

I have, what looks like, a 5cm endometrioma. Not to be confused with the 9cm serous cystadenoma I had previously removed. It looks like it is hanging out with my left ovary. You know, the only one I have left. I don’t really want to say more about it because at this point it is all just speculation and an image on the screen. My doc was out of the office yesterday and today so I won’t be able to talk to him about it till next week.

I’m pretty sure I’m having another surgery.

*sigh*

I want to say that it is okay. “Just one of those things”, is what I told my mom. It’s true. I believe that. It’s just one of those crappity crap crap sucky a$$ things that happen to people. To be honest, I’m getting better at this. I didn’t completely go over the deep end this time. Just a few tears in the technician’s room (I think I hid those pretty well). A couple swelled up on the walk to the car when I finally got out of the damn building with all the damn people and put my sunglasses on.

A couple of tears might have fallen. But mostly. I’m just getting numb.

Numb, after realizing that my baby-making days are long behind me. My body is sick. I don’t know what I have to do to fix it. Did I not eat enough vegetables? Should I have been taking my vitamins daily since I was 12? Do I drink too much? Am I not getting enough sleep? Should I give up caffeine? Do I lie too much? Should I be a nicer person?

What the eff was I supposed to do? I shrug my shoulders and sigh, because I won’t ever know. This is just it. This is just what my life is.

And like I said. I’m getting better at it.

On a side note – I would appreciate any women that has had anything similar, or has had a partial or full hysterectomy to give me a little of your story (the doc has said before that this might be coming). I private message on Facebook or an email would be great if you don’t want to comment. I’m starting my research. Thanks.