Bless My Heart

the improvement of a southern girl


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Anew

I started my new year today. I know I’m a little early, but I don’t want to wait. 2011 was a cruddy, cruddy year for me. Despite my best efforts, it just never got any better. Within a 12 month span, I had surgery to remove cancer from my leg, a continually disappointing and unsuccessful season of trying to conceive a child, a miscarriage, and a surgery to remove a 10 cm tumor and it’s host ovary.

I’m so over last year.

I woke up this morning and went to the gym. I started a new eating regime (I hate the word “diet”). I went through a stack of paperwork that needed to be tackled. I did laundry and paid bills and baked bread for my children. I sat in the sun. I did a favor for someone. I played fetch with my dogs. I enjoyed silence. I created hope for myself. Hope for a new year of happiness and less worry. I have faith that it is going to happen.

I see a new year in front of me. I see one that has my family and I going to another level in our life. Exciting and frightening and NEW. When I teach my young students something more advanced in class, they always say “but this is hard!”. I tell them, “It’s not hard, it’s just new.” They almost always accept this reasoning and continue on with their work. I’m ready for a NEW life. One that is not difficult to convert to after this past year, but one that is undiscovered. Unlearned.

My family and I went to a service at our church on Christmas morning. I think it was the first time I’ve been in an actual church building on the 25th day of December. The kids were with us instead of going to kids church. Our church family is always good about greeting each other and making you feel welcome, but it was so much more on Sunday morning. There was an excitement in the air. Friends hugged each other more tightly. Strangers looked each other in the eye and smiled a genuine greeting. The pastor spoke about  BEING the presence of the Lord for the world to see, and feel. No more in my life has that message hit my heart like it did on Christmas morning. My husband, my little blonde babes and I lit our candles as the lights dimmed and the music played. Being the light in a dark world, that’s what it’s all about. That’s a part of my new year.

I’m not going to let the stress of a to-do list take my smile away. I’m not going to let house work or school work pile up to a point where I have to say “no” to my kids when they want to snuggle or play. Abby told me yesterday that we don’t snuggle very much anymore because I’m always busy. It broke my heart, but it is true. I am going to change that. I am going to make her world NEW again as well.

I realized a few weeks ago that I am not the girl my husband started dating. I have watered down myself, for whatever reason. I am not as funky as I used to be. I’m not as crazy. He liked that (at least I think), and somewhere along the lines I made myself conform into a “safe zone” of matrimony and motherhood. Yuck. I’m not that kinda girl, y’all. 😉

It’s time to start anew. On December 27th, 2011. I’m 2/3 of a day into it already, and I’m liking what I see.

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just.keep.going.

I probably picked the worst time ever to start training for a half mary. These first two weeks have been full with Christmas concerts, family visits, Christmas parties, football games, house cleaning, and shopping. And then there is special school faculty breakfasts, lunches, and big family suppers. Ahhh! My willpower when it comes to food is not strong enough for all of that. I confess, I’ve been horrible with my food choices. I’ve eaten anything and everything that I wanted to and then went back for seconds.

And it makes me feel like crap.

Terrible.

Eat horrible = Feel horrible. Period.

So if nothing else, this holiday season will remind me of what I’m trying to do here. Improve. Not just get stuck in the same ‘ole rut that I’ve been stuck in for so long. I function better when I eat better. I feel better about myself… and, as the end bonus, I fit better into my jeans (which are painfully tight right now, I’m regretful to say).

Even though I have lost on the eating front these last two weeks, Christmas is still around the corner, and that gives me another opportunity to make a change. I was pretty smug when I said in an earlier post that I wasn’t going to pay attention to what I ate.. and am now feeling remorse for that. So here I go into the week of Christmas snapped out of my fog of delusion. What I eat matters everyday, even Christmas, and  I plan on making myself accountable for every single bite.

Other the other side of this is my running plan. All I can say is that it is still alive…

I’ve missed Tuesday’s 3 mile runs for the first two weeks. The first one was the night of my concert, and the second was the last day of my family visit. Couldn’t do much about either of those. The other missed workouts are cross-training days.  The circled days are the days I missed. As you can see, I didn’t have a very good week, but that is OKAY. I still did 3 miles on Thursday and 5 miles today. 8 miles for a week is not bad, and it’s a whole lot better than quitting or postponing. I’m keeping my training alive during the Christmas season. That’s a pretty big feat in itself.

Onward.

Today’s run was held off until the last possible time before sundown. It was a lazy day full of staying in bed till eleven (can’t remember the last time I did that!), taking the girls to see Santa, and a little shopping. I knew I had to get these 5 miles out of the way though, especially since I did so poor this week. I can’t say that I was very motivated to go all day, but as soon as I got dressed and out the door, all was well. The Man told me I would feel better once I did it, and I knew that he was right. There is nothing like the feeling I get after I trudge through a long run. Major sense of accomplishment. I think it’s one of the bigger reason why I run.

As soon as I got back to the house I took a quick shower and started my new old lady routine. I downed 2 ibuprofen with some water, grabbed a book and 3 ice packs, and “chilled” for 20 minutes or so.

A little one for my left foot. I’ve got weird joint things happening there since I started running. A big one for my knees, just preventative there, and an unseen one on my lower back for my bad discs. Yes, I am 31. Sometimes going on 74.

I look forward to having a much better week this week. I am going to try to blog as much as possible about it. I am already finding that is a great tool for me concerning accountability. I have a post that has been brewing in my brain for a while now about my history with running that I’m wanting to share as well.

Night y’all. And comments are welcome, you know 🙂