Bless My Heart

the improvement of a southern girl

What they didn’t tell me.

2 Comments

They didn’t tell me that I would be on an emotional roller coaster. That my happy days would be the greatest, but they would be few and far in-between the most horrible low days. Most days are low now.

Melanoma keeps me from soaking in the sun too long. It makes me worry myself into a frenzy one morning when I see a pink itchy spot on my chest. It makes me stare at my moles. It makes me hate my body because of the distorted leg I now bear.

They didn’t tell me that taking my ovary out along with a huge tumor would completely -F- my hormones up. That’s my diagnosis. I have never had these kinds of mood swings. I have never been so consistently overwhelmed by life in general. Each day I wake up ready to face the world, and by 8:00AM I am in the classroom, staring at a load of impressionable minds that I all-too-easily just snap at instead of teach. I have no patience.

Being a middle school band director takes an amazing amount of patience.

They didn’t tell me that every pain I feel makes me worry that something new is wrong with me.

So, honestly… I am struggling. The above mental battles are vying for attention with my two sweet baby girls, and my husband. And the demands that are above and beyond my classroom job (I’m never volunteering for anything work related ever again), and a few life decisions that need to be made.

I don’t see myself in any more of a difficult situation than any other person living their life, but I would like to get my head above water for a little more than just the second it takes to grab a quick breath.

Maybe just being alive takes an amazing amount of patience. This is my mountain.

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Author: blessmyheart

I'm like any other 30-something woman that works full time as a teacher, has two kids, a husband, 3 pets, and has battled cancer. ...among other things. I have things to say, sometimes. This is where I say them.

2 thoughts on “What they didn’t tell me.

  1. Ah, I hate climbing mountains. On the way up, it seems like you will never reach the top. You get tired and don’t even want to climb any more. Especially when you’ve never climbed one this tall before. But if you can find it in yourself (and I know you can) to keep going, even if it’s a slow climb…making it to the top is more important than making it quickly…if you can keep going, the view from the top makes every step worth it. And once you’ve climbed a huge mountain, the smaller ones seem like nothing. So keep climbing.

  2. Can’t top what Allison says. Well said, Allison. I missed this post before and had no idea you were climbing this mountain at that time. Just wanted to say I’m proud of you.

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